The Importance of PB&J

My dearest Jillian,
I was once given an assignment to write a letter to my loved ones explaining to them why they had found me, dead of an overdose. Sometimes we are in the wrong places at the wrong times and maybe that day I was where you were supposed to be.

I wonder at your intentions; search your smile for sincerity in the last pictures we took. Did I miss something? Was it all my fault? Or maybe your aim was more innocent, not suicide, just a little taste of numbness. And if that’s what you needed, if the memories became too vivid then I understand.

It’s not enough to say I miss you…my chest harbors an ache that runs throughout, wakes me in the night like the pain of contractions. Only, there’s no birth to expel what’s feeding on me. I remain pregnant with your ghost.

Love you Jelly! Always your Skippy!

Peanut-butter, Jelly Time!!

I’d like to thank Swift Expression for the idea.  I first published this post on Swift’s page as a response to one of the writing assignments for a contest that Swift created.  This allowed me to honor Jillian as she deserves.  Samhain just passed not long ago and I took the picture in the post that day as I was setting up for my ritual.  Please check out Swift Expression’s blog at and enjoy her creative writing ideas.


9 comments on “The Importance of PB&J

  1. Such a beautiful letter, Aphynity. Thank you so much for participating in my challenge and for mentioning my blog up there. It means a lot to me. I’m so sorry about your friend. 😦

    That’s a very touching photo. I can see your eyes reflected in the mirror. Very expressive. Would you mind if I shared that photo on my blog as part of my Visual Tribute? It’s such a moving photo, and I like to show people that it’s ok to express their emotions instead of bottling things up. Your photo says that in such a beautiful and subtle way. But if you wouldn’t feel comfortable with that, I totally understand and I won’t be offended at all.

    • Of course, more people need to be aware of the negative consequences of drug use. Many people think an overdose won’t happen to them or anyone within their inner circle.

      How could I resist a chance to plug to your site when you have been so supportive of my WP pursuits? If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t know what a widget was!!

      • LOL, that’s very sweet! I’m sure you would have figured out the widgets sooner or later! But thanks for the plug, I do appreciate it. 🙂

        And thank you so much for letting me add that photo to my Visual Tribute. It’s very special. I showed it to my husband as well and he found it very touching too, and he likes photography and he has a good eye for it. It’s one of those rare shots that you catch kind of by mistake, and it’s just so poignant and beautiful.

  2. Pingback: Visual Tribute | Swift Expression

  3. That’s a very sad but beautiful letter. That photo looks so sad as well and even though your eyes are emotional, that is part of what makes that photo so special. I can also see the pain and love in your eyes for your friend and that you miss her so much. I’m so sorry for your loss. That is a very brave letter to write.

    • Thank you so much!! It was hard to write but very freeing. I can let some of the guilt go now. Did you write a letter on Swift’s blog? She has amazing writing challenges.

      • Hello aphynity, yes I did write a letter on my wife’s blog. I wrote to my grandfather who died many years ago. It was a good letter for me to write, difficult but good. Like you say, it is “freeing”. I’m glad you like her challenges. I will tell her you said that 🙂 She will be happy. 🙂

  4. oh such a beautiful and sad photo. and you are very beautiful as well, you have such beautiful eyes, very lucky. so sorry about your friend. 😦 I believe in angels and I’m sure she is an angel now.

    • I believe in reincarnation after a certain “resting” period. I hope that she is resting since she braved much in her lifetime. Her body touched so much, recycled so many things that I know a material element of her is with us. Sometimes I wonder if any of the rain drops that touch me ever fell from her skin. She stays close!! Than you for your compliments.

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